Weigh Down (Re-start)

So, one of the main reasons I wanted to create this blog is to show people the size of plates and spoons I am using based on Gwen's recommendations. I also want to show you all my sample portion sizes!!

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SAMPLE PORTION SIZES

 Breakfast: Protein shake with strawberries, raspberries and cherries.

 Lunch: 2 Mango slices from Trader Joe's

Dinner and Dessert: Salmon, Cream Cheese on Dinner Roll half
Dessert: 1/4 cup of Frozen Yogurt

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2 Breakfast: Strawberry protein shake, 1 cup of almond milk, 1 cup of strawberries and banana

 Lunch: 1/2 dinner roll, 2 tbs of almond butter

Dinner: Panda Express Chow Mien and Honey Walnut Shrimp

Left - Full portion / Right - My small portion

 Dessert: I was hungry enough to eat only one shortbread cookie after my dinner. I sat in Starbucks for almost 3 hours and got hungry again, so I ate this other one. SOOO YUMMY!!

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AFTER I GOT HOME LAST NIGHT, I FAILED A DESERT OF TESTING TEST. 

Doritos - True Hunger when I ate these
Panda Express - True Hunger when I started but NOT when I finished. I felt stuffed.

OLD WAY OF THINKING: "Well, since I've blown it, I might as well finish it all!!"

Fortune Cookie: 100% Disobedient eating
M&Ms: 100% Disobedient eating
Mango Slices: 100% Disobedient eating of 4 small slices

I no longer need to purchase food to eat later when I am hungry. That's why I had the M&Ms in the house, but that set me up for failure.

My Story / Why Weigh Down

• I have lost count of the number of programs I've done and I can only imagine how many thousands of dollars I have spent on weight loss programs over the years. I overexercised. I took pills. I vomited.

• I spent $7,000 on liposuction in 2003 when I weighed 230 pounds and then gained another 142 pounds and got up to my heaviest weight of 372 on December 31, 2015. 

• My most recent weight loss was in April 2016  with OA H.O.W. (Overeaters Anonymous: Honest. Open. Willing). I lost 70 pounds by cutting out carbs and sugar. I got down to 302.2 by December 2016. 

 May 30, 2016
(8 pounds down from 372)

December 2016

HOWEVER, from January 2017 to May of 2017, I was back up to 345 pounds. The struggle is real. The lust of the flesh is real.

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MY STORY

• At the age of 9, I weighed 209 pounds (Can I get back to THAT weight please!!)
• I isolate myself from my friends on purpose
• I don't go home to visit my family because of shame and guilt
• My self-esteem is shot to hell
• I don't date because I am so grossed out by my own self
• My back, knees and feet hurt....all the time
• I live on-campus in a residence hall where food is around me all of the time
• Due to high amounts of stress, I eat excessively and I drink alcohol excessively 
• My breasts are huge. I have indentations and dark marks on my shoulders
• I wear TWO bras to keep my breasts supported
• I am empty, void and miserable in my day to day life
• I just want to be THIN
• I need God in my life

Weigh Down and Gwen Shamblin

• In 1995, I learned about Gwen Shamblin and the Weigh Down Workshop at work
• My first growl came in 16 hours 
• I went to WD classes in churches in Atlanta, GA, and Washington, D.C. 
• It was too hard and I ran back to Egypt and other man-made plans that failed me 100%

• In 2013, I lost 85 pounds doing Medifast. I gained back 80 pounds in 2014
• In 2016, I lost about 70 pounds doing Overeaters Anonymous. I gained back 46 pounds in 2017
• It is 2017, 22 years later and I am back
• I am DETERMINED to connect with God and put to death my fleshly lust towards food. 
• It's hard, because I have trust issues and feel that God won't be able to give me the instant satisfaction that food gives me. 

• In July 2017, I purchased All Access for $24.99/month
• I have an amazing Weigh Down Accountability Partner
• I have wonderful friends from my OA days who are supporting me in this journey
• My sister is an amazing cheerleader and wonderful source of support
• I am ready for God to do a miracle in me
• This is My Weigh Down Experience

10 Pound Re-Gain

So, here I am, BACK UP TO 347.8 pounds!! I gained back 10 of the 11 pounds that I lost being obedient to God's hunger / satisfaction signals. (See Blog Post from Sunday, July 30, 2017)

 UGGGGGH!! So frustrated with myself. 

Residence Life Training Fall 2017 kicked my butt. I fell victim to my greedy stress-eating habits.

I was avoiding my Weigh Down Accountability Partner because I was full of shame.

I knew that I shouldn't have stuffed myself, but I wanted ALL OF THE FOOD I was eating.

I was NOT listening to anything on All Access and the pounds came pouring back.

I just sent this 347.8 picture to my Accountability Partner (with a lot of shame and guilt) and she sent me this picture:

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FAILED TESTS AND FOOD BINGES

 PLACES MY TEAM AND I ATE DURING THE DAY:

Chipotle

Cane's Chicken

Chick-fil-A

Panda Express

Pei Wei Asian Bistro

Wing Stop

Olive Garden

AT NIGHT AT HOME ALONE,  I BINGED ON THESE ITEMS: 

 Margarita Mix with Powdered Sugar
2 Bottles of Tequila 

(I made/consumed 20+ cocktails)

 Doritos 

King Size Reeces Peanut Butter Cups 

Kit Kat King Sized 

Plain M&Ms

Peanut M&Ms

Twizzlers 

Skittles 

Pour Over Butter Popcorn 

1 Large Pizza 

16-count box of Blueberry Poptarts

Central Grill Cheeseburger and Onion Rings

Cheeseburger and Fries and a Margarita
Margaritas at the Movies

25oz cans of Straw-ber-rita and Mango-rita
....and probably more stuff that I can't recall at the moment!

DINNER OUT WITH A FRIEND:

Below I had a Burger and fries and ALL 6 of these mini-margaritas at LSA Burger on the Denton Square:

(In this photo, I was using my forearms to PUSH my boobs in so they wouldn't look SO HUGE in the picture. I was also so uncomfortable and scrunched into the seat)

I see how I gained 10 pounds in 22 days! 
This type of eating puts so much stress on my body!!