Overcoming Strongholds

So, I have recognized that having certain foods in my house can be very tempting. After I eat the food, my mind doesn't focus on getting busy doing God's work but I completely focus on, the food, the whole food and NOTHING BUT THE FOOD. 

One night during the week of September 25, 2017, I overate and gave into head hunger. I drank all 4 mini bottles of Moscato, (I chugged those bad boys like they were JUICE), one chocolate chip cookie (that was in the Ziploc bag), one bag of Munchies and one Belvita. 

I had a stash of more Belivitas, a FULL bottle of Moscato, 3 bags of Movie Theater Butter popcorn and...well, you can see the picture....duhhhh!!

I needed to get rid of these bags because I was lusting after this popcorn between the growls.

Down the disposal it all went. 

Video posted to Exodus out of Egypt Marco Polo app!!

Weight Update #4

My Marco Polo App posting on Thursday, September 28,2017, to my Exodus Out of Egypt Classmates

This was my weight on Saturday, September 30, 2017 = 331.4 pounds

                              

       

This is what I weigh, JUST NOW, at 8:49 am on Sunday, October 1, 2017

After having a slip up on Friday night, I was 100% determined to be completely obedient to hunger and fullness on Saturday, 9.30.2017 and this was / is my reward. 

              
August 28: 347.8 pounds to September 3: 340.6 = -7.2 lbs,1st week = -7.2 lbs total

September 3: 340.6 pounds to September 10: 335.4 = -5.2 lbs, 2nd week = -12.4 lbs total

September 10: 335.4 pounds to September 17: 335.6 = +0.2 lbs, 3rd week = -12.2 lbs total

September 17: 335.6 pounds to September 30: 331.4 = - 4.2 lbs, 5th week = -16.4 lbs total
September 30: 331.4 pounds to October 1: 327.8 = -3.6 lbs, 5th week = -20 lbs total

So Strong / So Weak

So Strong on 9.29.2017: I spent 6 hours...YES....SIX HOURS, in Starbucks yesterday doing my new Bible Study Class, Exodus Out of Egypt, and it felt so great. I listened to audios, watched videos, read scripture and felt so convicted. I waited on the growl to hit and hunger said "hello" at around 1:00 p.m.   I ate one shortbread cookie from Starbucks and then stayed there till about 4pm.  

I thought about what I truly wanted and it was a delicious burger from R.G. Burgers!! 

4:25 pm: I was obedient to hunger and only ate a tiny triangle of my Spicy Burger and 4 Texas Steak fries. I was satisfied. 

8:00pm: Was watching a movie with friends but all I kept thinking about was, "When is hunger going to hit because I want more of my burger and fries and a garlic cheese ball" (my friend ordered food from Pizza Hut). Is that a growl? Yes, it is. I ate another tiny triangle sliver of burger, 4 fries, 1 cheddar cheese chunk square, 1 garlic cheese ball. I was full. 

12:15am: Still at friend's house, watching another movie. I should have gone home. This is my very heavy Time of Testing. I STILL kept wanting hunger to hit so I could have more burger and fries. Is that hunger? It should be, it's 4 hours later. I willed myself hungry and ate a little bit more food. 

So Weak at 1:00am: In the car, driving home, I realize I am tired and that I know I am being tested. I pray but my mind thinks of the stuff I have at home that I can DEVOUR. "I messed up,  so I might as well finish everything off and get back on track tomorrow." No, that's just the enemy. I have repented for being greedy and gluttonous time and time again...turn away and sin no more. WHY IS THIS SO HARD?? (Nothing worth having comes easy)

I am home now, LITERALLY pacing back and forth, I get ready for bed and chug a small Moscato wine bottle, like it's a juice box. GO TO BED YOLANDA. GET THEE BEHIND ME SATAN. I go to the fridge and eat about 3 pretzels from a left over bag. WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU ARE NOT HUNGRY.....GO TO BED RIGHT NOW. 

This Morning on 9.30.2017: The Capricorn in me is a perfectionist who beats herself at any chance. HOW COULD I SPEND 6 HOURS FOCUSED ON GOD TO END UP RUNNING BACK TO THE FOOD IN THE SAME DAY. However, I did not dwell on my mistake. I prayed. Called one of my Exodus class moderators and got filled up with some truth. The enemy wants me to beat myself up and give up and run back to diets, but I will not. This class is showing me how much my heart, mind and thoughts are focused on the food. I ran away from this message 22 years ago when I first heard of Weigh Down, but I am digging my heals in and am determined to fight. 

All I can do is continue to ask that God help my heart love and adore Him more and help my heart fall OUT of love with the food. I see it. I recognize it. I must continue to pray and I must get rid of certain things in my house that call my name between the growl. 

Genesis 4:7: If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door, it desires to have you but you must master it. 

#YOU MUST MASTER IT

I Need More Fiber

• When I get the growl, I've been eating a lot of fried foods, fried chicken, fried corn nuggets, honey butter biscuits, candy, soda, lemonade, soda, fried chicken, soda, pizza, soda, etc. 
• I haven't had a vegetable in almost two months. 
• No wonder I am, shall I say, "blocked"
• I probably should be drinking a bit more water too
• Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial
• Yesterday morning, well, at noon, when I got the growl, here are some "higher fiber" options I chose:

Collard greens

Red Onion

2 egg whites, 1 yolk

1 frozen, mini-taco from Trader Joes

1/8 of a plantain that I cooked in coconut oil

Here's what my cooked food looked like on my small portion plate

I wanted you to see the size of my plate compared to a regular sized "healthy portions" plate

Weight Update #3 and Revelation from Revolution Class

Weight Update #3

• So, all I have thought about this week is the scale going down.
• It was as low as 334.4 and then went up to 335.6 and stayed there SOLIDLY for the rest of the week.
• I weighed on Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday and today, Sunday.
• So, 335.6 is my final weight for today and that means I am up 0.2 pounds.
• Clearly, I am not happy.
• Even BEFORE my final weigh day of today, I stood in the aisle at Walmart and contemplated buying a fat burner because of NOT having FAITH AND TRUST in God to give me the desires of my heart!! (My heart was convicted and I put them back)

August 28: 347.8 pounds / September 3: 340.6 = -7.2 lbs,1st Week = -7.2 lbs total

September 3: 340.6 / September 10: 335.4 = -5.2 lbs, 2nd Week = -12.4 lbs total

September 10: 335.4 / September 17: 335.6 = +0.2 lbs, 3rd Week = -12.2 lbs total

Revelation from my Revolution Class

• The scale is a stronghold for me
• I am overly focused on self, my body and my body weight
• There are foods that I am eating that have a very strong pull on my heart
• In YCO* Season 2, Episode 10: "Overcoming Bingeing on Sweets," Gwen says that if certain foods are a stronghold for you, you should see if you can sacrifice that food for God

• I am not devoted to, focused on or concerned about being obedient to God to have a relationship with Him, but to see that scale go down (OUCH!!!!)
• I am struggling with being obedient to God because my FOCUS is on making the scale go DOWN

• I am going to follow the Spirit vs. the Flesh calendar for a while and stay off the scales
• I need to focus on building a friendship and relationship with God because that is where my heart must be focused in order for God to give me the desires of my heart
• The scale will never go down and STAY DOWN if I don't have a pure heart for God. 

....AND...the scale going down, CANNOT be my only desire for connecting with God.