Food Binges Immediately After Losing 70 pounds

When I followed a very strict program (no sugar, flour or friend foods, ooops, I meant "fried" foods) with the 12-Step Program Overeaters Anonymous H.O.W. from April 2016 to December 2016, I got down from 372 (my highest weight ever) to 302.2 pounds. I looked awesome and felt so great.

HOWEVERRRRRRRR, during a Christmas celebration in 2016, I ate some sweet potato pie and drank some wine and MY TASTE BUDS WERE REINTRODUCED TO SUGAR AND FLOUR AND I LOST MY MIND. Along with work stress and before I could catch myself, I went right back to what I normally do after a restrictive diet. I EAT!!! I went running back to all of the foods that I cut out while following OA H.O.W. (Honest. Open. Willing.)

Below are pictures of some, not all, of my junk food binges that I indulged in from January 2017 to May 2017. These food binges are how I gained back up to 345 pounds and show you EXACTLY my eating patterns/binges which caused me to get up to 372 in the first place!! 

I ate two full bags of Tootsie Roll Blow Pops = 22 pops in pretty much ONE DAY.
What is so classic is my Big Book (my Overeaters Anonymous book) on the table in the background!!
(Jesus Take the Wheel!!!)

My favorite spot in my living room (in front of the TV) with some Pad Thai, Twizzlers and an ice cold 25-ounce can of Straw-ber-rita! 

 Multiple bottles of alcohol, fast food Styrofoam containers, chips, sodas, candy and more fast food!! 

Twizzlers, Doritos, Cheetos and a Bottle of wine in the trash. 

A hidden bag of Doritos I forgot about. When I was originally eating the whole bag, some friends dropped over and I hid it in a moving / packing box. When I found it, I finished it off...of course!! 

Orville's Pour Over Butter Large Bag of Popcorn

(In my cabinet, you will see books from 12-Step Programs "Food for Thought" and "Surrendering Hunger". You will also see that purple box of Medifast food. I lost 85 pounds on Medifast back in 2013, but gained 80 pounds back the next year!!)

I ate this entire bag of chips in one sitting

A whole large Pizza, Straw-ber-ritas, Cheetos, Doritos, Popcorn, Pretzel Thins, Reese's and some other stuff I can't quite make out

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WEIGH DOWN VS. MAN MADE DIETS

The difference between Weigh Down and Man-Made Diets is that my heart does not have to change on man-made diets. The food is the only thing that changes, not my heart, not my desires, not my obedience to hunger and fullness.  I have always been in love with the food. I have always worshiped the food instead of God. It was my idol. I could avoid it long enough to lose 70 pounds, but eventually, my heart ran back to the food which is the struggle I have had all of my life.....before Weigh Down. 

Weigh Down (Re-start)

So, one of the main reasons I wanted to create this blog is to show people the size of plates and spoons I am using based on Gwen's recommendations. I also want to show you all my sample portion sizes!!

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SAMPLE PORTION SIZES

 Breakfast: Protein shake with strawberries, raspberries and cherries.

 Lunch: 2 Mango slices from Trader Joe's

Dinner and Dessert: Salmon, Cream Cheese on Dinner Roll half
Dessert: 1/4 cup of Frozen Yogurt

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2 Breakfast: Strawberry protein shake, 1 cup of almond milk, 1 cup of strawberries and banana

 Lunch: 1/2 dinner roll, 2 tbs of almond butter

Dinner: Panda Express Chow Mien and Honey Walnut Shrimp

Left - Full portion / Right - My small portion

 Dessert: I was hungry enough to eat only one shortbread cookie after my dinner. I sat in Starbucks for almost 3 hours and got hungry again, so I ate this other one. SOOO YUMMY!!

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AFTER I GOT HOME LAST NIGHT, I FAILED A DESERT OF TESTING TEST. 

Doritos - True Hunger when I ate these
Panda Express - True Hunger when I started but NOT when I finished. I felt stuffed.

OLD WAY OF THINKING: "Well, since I've blown it, I might as well finish it all!!"

Fortune Cookie: 100% Disobedient eating
M&Ms: 100% Disobedient eating
Mango Slices: 100% Disobedient eating of 4 small slices

I no longer need to purchase food to eat later when I am hungry. That's why I had the M&Ms in the house, but that set me up for failure.

My Story / Why Weigh Down

• I have lost count of the number of programs I've done and I can only imagine how many thousands of dollars I have spent on weight loss programs over the years. I overexercised. I took pills. I vomited.

• I spent $7,000 on liposuction in 2003 when I weighed 230 pounds and then gained another 142 pounds and got up to my heaviest weight of 372 on December 31, 2015. 

• My most recent weight loss was in April 2016  with OA H.O.W. (Overeaters Anonymous: Honest. Open. Willing). I lost 70 pounds by cutting out carbs and sugar. I got down to 302.2 by December 2016. 

 May 30, 2016
(8 pounds down from 372)

December 2016

HOWEVER, from January 2017 to May of 2017, I was back up to 345 pounds. The struggle is real. The lust of the flesh is real.

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MY STORY

• At the age of 9, I weighed 209 pounds (Can I get back to THAT weight please!!)
• I isolate myself from my friends on purpose
• I don't go home to visit my family because of shame and guilt
• My self-esteem is shot to hell
• I don't date because I am so grossed out by my own self
• My back, knees and feet hurt....all the time
• I live on-campus in a residence hall where food is around me all of the time
• Due to high amounts of stress, I eat excessively and I drink alcohol excessively 
• My breasts are huge. I have indentations and dark marks on my shoulders
• I wear TWO bras to keep my breasts supported
• I am empty, void and miserable in my day to day life
• I just want to be THIN
• I need God in my life

Weigh Down and Gwen Shamblin

• In 1995, I learned about Gwen Shamblin and the Weigh Down Workshop at work
• My first growl came in 16 hours 
• I went to WD classes in churches in Atlanta, GA, and Washington, D.C. 
• It was too hard and I ran back to Egypt and other man-made plans that failed me 100%

• In 2013, I lost 85 pounds doing Medifast. I gained back 80 pounds in 2014
• In 2016, I lost about 70 pounds doing Overeaters Anonymous. I gained back 46 pounds in 2017
• It is 2017, 22 years later and I am back
• I am DETERMINED to connect with God and put to death my fleshly lust towards food. 
• It's hard, because I have trust issues and feel that God won't be able to give me the instant satisfaction that food gives me. 

• In July 2017, I purchased All Access for $24.99/month
• I have an amazing Weigh Down Accountability Partner
• I have wonderful friends from my OA days who are supporting me in this journey
• My sister is an amazing cheerleader and wonderful source of support
• I am ready for God to do a miracle in me
• This is My Weigh Down Experience

10 Pound Re-Gain

So, here I am, BACK UP TO 347.8 pounds!! I gained back 10 of the 11 pounds that I lost being obedient to God's hunger / satisfaction signals. (See Blog Post from Sunday, July 30, 2017)

 UGGGGGH!! So frustrated with myself. 

Residence Life Training Fall 2017 kicked my butt. I fell victim to my greedy stress-eating habits.

I was avoiding my Weigh Down Accountability Partner because I was full of shame.

I knew that I shouldn't have stuffed myself, but I wanted ALL OF THE FOOD I was eating.

I was NOT listening to anything on All Access and the pounds came pouring back.

I just sent this 347.8 picture to my Accountability Partner (with a lot of shame and guilt) and she sent me this picture:

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FAILED TESTS AND FOOD BINGES

 PLACES MY TEAM AND I ATE DURING THE DAY:

Chipotle

Cane's Chicken

Chick-fil-A

Panda Express

Pei Wei Asian Bistro

Wing Stop

Olive Garden

AT NIGHT AT HOME ALONE,  I BINGED ON THESE ITEMS: 

 Margarita Mix with Powdered Sugar
2 Bottles of Tequila 

(I made/consumed 20+ cocktails)

 Doritos 

King Size Reeces Peanut Butter Cups 

Kit Kat King Sized 

Plain M&Ms

Peanut M&Ms

Twizzlers 

Skittles 

Pour Over Butter Popcorn 

1 Large Pizza 

16-count box of Blueberry Poptarts

Central Grill Cheeseburger and Onion Rings

Cheeseburger and Fries and a Margarita
Margaritas at the Movies

25oz cans of Straw-ber-rita and Mango-rita
....and probably more stuff that I can't recall at the moment!

DINNER OUT WITH A FRIEND:

Below I had a Burger and fries and ALL 6 of these mini-margaritas at LSA Burger on the Denton Square:

(In this photo, I was using my forearms to PUSH my boobs in so they wouldn't look SO HUGE in the picture. I was also so uncomfortable and scrunched into the seat)

I see how I gained 10 pounds in 22 days! 
This type of eating puts so much stress on my body!!

Weigh Down for Two Weeks in July 2017

I was waiting on hunger, listening to All Access, talking to my Accountability Partner and doing well.
11 POUNDS GONE IN THE FIRST WEEK EATING ONLY WHEN HUNGRY AND STOPPING AT SATISFIED 

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

3 days later and 8 pounds down!! 

Sunday, July 30, 2017

11 pounds down in ONE WEEK eating within the context of hunger and fullness

(Yes, I know I needed a pedicure!)