Weigh Down (Re-start)

So, one of the main reasons I wanted to create this blog is to show people the size of plates and spoons I am using based on Gwen's recommendations. I also want to show you all my sample portion sizes!!

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SAMPLE PORTION SIZES

 Breakfast: Protein shake with strawberries, raspberries and cherries.

 Lunch: 2 Mango slices from Trader Joe's

Dinner and Dessert: Salmon, Cream Cheese on Dinner Roll half
Dessert: 1/4 cup of Frozen Yogurt

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2 Breakfast: Strawberry protein shake, 1 cup of almond milk, 1 cup of strawberries and banana

 Lunch: 1/2 dinner roll, 2 tbs of almond butter

Dinner: Panda Express Chow Mien and Honey Walnut Shrimp

Left - Full portion / Right - My small portion

 Dessert: I was hungry enough to eat only one shortbread cookie after my dinner. I sat in Starbucks for almost 3 hours and got hungry again, so I ate this other one. SOOO YUMMY!!

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AFTER I GOT HOME LAST NIGHT, I FAILED A DESERT OF TESTING TEST. 

Doritos - True Hunger when I ate these
Panda Express - True Hunger when I started but NOT when I finished. I felt stuffed.

OLD WAY OF THINKING: "Well, since I've blown it, I might as well finish it all!!"

Fortune Cookie: 100% Disobedient eating
M&Ms: 100% Disobedient eating
Mango Slices: 100% Disobedient eating of 4 small slices

I no longer need to purchase food to eat later when I am hungry. That's why I had the M&Ms in the house, but that set me up for failure.

My Story / Why Weigh Down

• I have lost count of the number of programs I've done and I can only imagine how many thousands of dollars I have spent on weight loss programs over the years. I overexercised. I took pills. I vomited.

• I spent $7,000 on liposuction in 2003 when I weighed 230 pounds and then gained another 142 pounds and got up to my heaviest weight of 372 on December 31, 2015. 

• My most recent weight loss was in April 2016  with OA H.O.W. (Overeaters Anonymous: Honest. Open. Willing). I lost 70 pounds by cutting out carbs and sugar. I got down to 302.2 by December 2016. 

 May 30, 2016
(8 pounds down from 372)

December 2016

HOWEVER, from January 2017 to May of 2017, I was back up to 345 pounds. The struggle is real. The lust of the flesh is real.

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MY STORY

• At the age of 9, I weighed 209 pounds (Can I get back to THAT weight please!!)
• I isolate myself from my friends on purpose
• I don't go home to visit my family because of shame and guilt
• My self-esteem is shot to hell
• I don't date because I am so grossed out by my own self
• My back, knees and feet hurt....all the time
• I live on-campus in a residence hall where food is around me all of the time
• Due to high amounts of stress, I eat excessively and I drink alcohol excessively 
• My breasts are huge. I have indentations and dark marks on my shoulders
• I wear TWO bras to keep my breasts supported
• I am empty, void and miserable in my day to day life
• I just want to be THIN
• I need God in my life

Weigh Down and Gwen Shamblin

• In 1995, I learned about Gwen Shamblin and the Weigh Down Workshop at work
• My first growl came in 16 hours 
• I went to WD classes in churches in Atlanta, GA, and Washington, D.C. 
• It was too hard and I ran back to Egypt and other man-made plans that failed me 100%

• In 2013, I lost 85 pounds doing Medifast. I gained back 80 pounds in 2014
• In 2016, I lost about 70 pounds doing Overeaters Anonymous. I gained back 46 pounds in 2017
• It is 2017, 22 years later and I am back
• I am DETERMINED to connect with God and put to death my fleshly lust towards food. 
• It's hard, because I have trust issues and feel that God won't be able to give me the instant satisfaction that food gives me. 

• In July 2017, I purchased All Access for $24.99/month
• I have an amazing Weigh Down Accountability Partner
• I have wonderful friends from my OA days who are supporting me in this journey
• My sister is an amazing cheerleader and wonderful source of support
• I am ready for God to do a miracle in me
• This is My Weigh Down Experience

10 Pound Re-Gain

So, here I am, BACK UP TO 347.8 pounds!! I gained back 10 of the 11 pounds that I lost being obedient to God's hunger / satisfaction signals. (See Blog Post from Sunday, July 30, 2017)

 UGGGGGH!! So frustrated with myself. 

Residence Life Training Fall 2017 kicked my butt. I fell victim to my greedy stress-eating habits.

I was avoiding my Weigh Down Accountability Partner because I was full of shame.

I knew that I shouldn't have stuffed myself, but I wanted ALL OF THE FOOD I was eating.

I was NOT listening to anything on All Access and the pounds came pouring back.

I just sent this 347.8 picture to my Accountability Partner (with a lot of shame and guilt) and she sent me this picture:

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FAILED TESTS AND FOOD BINGES

 PLACES MY TEAM AND I ATE DURING THE DAY:

Chipotle

Cane's Chicken

Chick-fil-A

Panda Express

Pei Wei Asian Bistro

Wing Stop

Olive Garden

AT NIGHT AT HOME ALONE,  I BINGED ON THESE ITEMS: 

 Margarita Mix with Powdered Sugar
2 Bottles of Tequila 

(I made/consumed 20+ cocktails)

 Doritos 

King Size Reeces Peanut Butter Cups 

Kit Kat King Sized 

Plain M&Ms

Peanut M&Ms

Twizzlers 

Skittles 

Pour Over Butter Popcorn 

1 Large Pizza 

16-count box of Blueberry Poptarts

Central Grill Cheeseburger and Onion Rings

Cheeseburger and Fries and a Margarita
Margaritas at the Movies

25oz cans of Straw-ber-rita and Mango-rita
....and probably more stuff that I can't recall at the moment!

DINNER OUT WITH A FRIEND:

Below I had a Burger and fries and ALL 6 of these mini-margaritas at LSA Burger on the Denton Square:

(In this photo, I was using my forearms to PUSH my boobs in so they wouldn't look SO HUGE in the picture. I was also so uncomfortable and scrunched into the seat)

I see how I gained 10 pounds in 22 days! 
This type of eating puts so much stress on my body!!

Weigh Down for Two Weeks in July 2017

I was waiting on hunger, listening to All Access, talking to my Accountability Partner and doing well.
11 POUNDS GONE IN THE FIRST WEEK EATING ONLY WHEN HUNGRY AND STOPPING AT SATISFIED 

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

3 days later and 8 pounds down!! 

Sunday, July 30, 2017

11 pounds down in ONE WEEK eating within the context of hunger and fullness

(Yes, I know I needed a pedicure!)

Heavy Photos - Set #1

So, since I started graduate school in August 2010, I've gained 72 pounds. I got here (Denton) in August weighing 300 pounds and by Christmas 2015, I was 372.  I have lots of pics of me "hiding" behind other people over the past 7 years.  I will eventually upload them here as I comb through my external jump drive. Funny, I knew one day I would tell my story through pictures. That day has arrived.

My sister and me in May 2016. 

I was 350 pounds and had just lost 20 pounds doing OA HOW
(Overeaters Anonymous: Honest. Open. Willing)

(Hardly any carbs and NO SUGAR) 

Me at the front desk of Crumley Hall Fall 2015 at around 360 - 370 pounds

I was shoving something in my mouth and had a bag of popcorn tucked under my arm. 

Fall 2015 at 370 pounds

At Chili's getting food for training or final dinner at the end of the year. 

ONE OF TOO MANY FOOD OCCASIONS IN HOUSING AND RESIDENCE LIFE. 

Me at the front desk again, very shocked that someone took a picture of me unannounced. 

I ALWAYS SHY AWAY FROM CAMERAS
About 330 pounds

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Circa 2011 at my friend Wonjee's apartment. 

I was over 300 pounds in this picture.